For those of you that follow me on Instagram (@Lilyandbliss), I left a rather vague comment up there last night regarding some “personal issues” I was facing.
After some texts, emails to see if I was okay I felt bad for leaving such a cryptic message that worried friends. I’m okay, Lily is okay and so is Mike. You see “mother nature” has been visiting every two weeks since December and staying sometimes for 10 days.
Since we were going to try for baby #2 this summer there was no real rush to figure out what was going on with my body. I was going to wait another month to see if I became regular. Then I had a phone conversation with a girlfriend and she had a grapefruit size mass removed from her uterus after having my same constant bleeding. That phone conversation of course had my mind racing and calling my OB for an appointment.
After an examination and convo about my family history of thyroid problems my doc said that the thyroid was the likely culprit of my unwelcome-every-two-week-visitor. To be sure she drew some blood and ordered an ultrasound. She told me that if the blood test was clear a nurse would just call me to confirm or she would call to discuss any issues they found.
All weekend I prepped myself for dealing with a thyroid problem and the possibility of taking medication indefinitely to help regulate it. I don’t consider this pessimistic, but rather a realist view….prematurely setting myself up to take the news more gently. Monday I received a phone call from the doctor and got b!*ched slapped with a totally different problem that I wasn’t prepared for.
My FSH hormone levels are high. My doctor was super sweet trying her best to dumb down the conversation so I could understand while also staying as chipper as she could so I didn’t freak out. Basically my brain is sending out hormones that are messing with my ovaries. Sensing a potential freak out my doctor did tell me that this could cause potential issues getting pregnant, but that women have gotten pregnant with this. She ordered another blood test and said we would have to wait and if this blood test confirmed my wacky hormones that I would have to see a specialist for a future pregnancy.
WTF. I thought I had prepared myself, but I did not see this coming. I made the next mistake and jumped on Google to research this more. Oh the Internet is the WORST place for answers when you are in any kind of medical limbo. My head & heart were in a tizzy reading about how this FSH affects women during menopause. Say what???? Menopause?? Thank goodness it was naptime because I fell apart….like ugly crying session.
To keep myself composed in front of Lily I took her to the mall for a little retail therapy. As long as she could have fun playing in the kid area I would keep the tears back while in public. Mike and I were going to try for baby #2 this summer, but now knowing that there could be possible complications we will be making an appointment with a specialist asap if these blood results continue to point to a hormone problem.
But then yesterday I received some tragic news from a girlfriend who couldn’t hear her baby’s heartbeat during an ultrasound…and I got b!*ched slapped again. I have never had to deal with fertility issues, but I would take them over a miscarriage.
There is no point in trying to understand God’s plan during a tragedy. All I can do is try and be there for my friend and pray for her. As for me…all I can do is wait and pray that things will be fine. And if not…well I am truly blessed already to have my sweet Lily….