Today was tough. It was one of those days I almost fell apart waiting to check out at Target. Today was a Tsunami of hard toddler moments that finally hit shore.
Lily turns 22 months on the 22nd yet we have been knee deep in the terrible twos for months. Of course Lily has had some public tantrums that have been embarrassing and some that didn’t even phase what I thought was thick mom skin.
But just like a toddler I have great days and then I have some pretty low ones with post-partum. Today was a low. Mike got home early and I walked over to his office door and threw my arms up…”I just gotta get out of here.” Puzzled he wants to know why and I started to tear up and just said “We can all just get out of here, let’s go to the Surf Shack…I’m not cooking tonight…I just have to get out of here.”
The Tsunami Lily started to make early waves at Target around 11:15. Moaning turned to yells that ended in screams while I attempted to shop for some birthday gifts for her friend’s party. I went straight for my ace card and flashed my iPhone that is jammed packed with toddler tunes and Yo Gabba Gabba shows. That got slammed to the ground in two minutes. Snacks usually keep her content, but she took a bite of the cheese stick and tossed it to the ground with a what-are-YOU-gonna-do-about-it look. Moms you know that testing toddler expression. I obviously failed her test and Tsunami Lily hit land fall as I was checking out.
I had two ahead of me and the waterworks were flowing. It wasn’t just a boo-hoo, it was a screaming tantrum that no matter what I tried to hand her she wasn’t stopping until she had swept back out to sea on her terms. I’m pretty sure my face was beat red as I held my cool. The mom in front of me with two young girls tired to pay and when I glanced to the side the pregnant women in the isle next said something like “We’ve all been there”…but I looked away because my eyes started to get watery. I just felt defeated. I know I am a good mom….but some days when your child turns into the devil you question your parenting…or maybe its just me and my PPD.
After two beers, a delicious steak burrito and a calming shower while Mike tackled the now cooled Lily I had time to reflect. Her tantrums have been occurring more often than usual and they can be pretty crazy. She has those fall to the ground tantrums….where her body goes limp….then she starts to kick and flail her arms while she screams. My favorite is when she slowly gets down on her knees and places her head down on her arms….and starts a low whimper. When I haven’t come over to check on her she lifts her head to find me starring her and she continues the low whimper and lowers her head. Sometimes the low whimper breaks out into a cry, but often I have tempted her emerging tantrum with some crayon or bubble time.
She had one of these fall to the ground, kicking and screaming tantrums during our community Easter egg hunt. Mike and I just started hanging out with our neighbors (who are terrific by the way) and this was an awesome moment to share with new friends. But they are all parents so I hope they were all understanding that instead of consoling our crazy toddler I walked over with my camera, stood over Lily and snapped these awesome pictures. Of course after I got the pictures I got on my knees to check if she would calm down. But I have been told by several friends to ignore the negative behavior. I have tried….and today I got swallowed up.
Publix, our local grocery store, has these kid friendly shopping carts that resemble cars and have steering wheels. Tsunami Lily has discovered that once she is done with her sugar cookie (don’t judge that cookie gives me at least 10 extra minutes to shop) that if she pulls her self towards the steering wheel she can bust the child seat belt. It doesn’t matter how many times I ask her to sit and re-buckle her, she gives me one of those testing toddler looks and busts through her “chains” agin. She quickly stands and tries to jump up and down in the seat giving me a heart attack and attracting all sorts of horrible judgmental looks from shoppers. I actually started to say out loud “Lily you cant break the seat belt” or “Lily how did you learn how to open the seat belt” just in hopes that the crappy shopping judges would hear and give me sympathetic eyes like the Target women. My friend Kelsey and I talked about this…and it’s so pathetic (not me, the situation) that I felt I had to publicly clarify my situation so I didn’t feel judged.
There are days where my toddler seems to be infected with a zombie/Noami Campbell virus…then later that same day or a day later that same outrageous kid transforms into a loving angelic baby. Today was a Walking Dead/Noami at a Verizon store kinda day….and I’m waving the white flag.