Typically people take some time leading up to New Years Eve or in the beginning days of the New Year to reflect and plan. Reflect on life over the past year. Figure out if their life is on track. What goals and milestones they’ve reached and ones they have yet to accomplish.
Then there are the New Year’s resolutions that have people planning. Planning on hitting new or old goals. Looking back last year I entered 2013 with the perspective of focusing on what matters. To me I planned on focusing on my faith, family and my health. I planned on building my relationship with God. I planned to devote more time to my relationship with Mike. I wanted to focus on being a better mom to Lily and concentrate on being more in the moment with her. And of course I had planned on continuing on my road to losing my baby weight (read more in depth HERE).
But life happened and we were graced with a pregnancy in June. And if you follow along with this blog you know that it has been a difficult pregnancy. With 8 weeks left I am still struggling with nausea. After June I gave up on my 2013 goals and focused on just trying to get through each day of the rough sickness.
And just like 2013, 2014 started out with another life moment that is inevitable…death. My grandmother passed away.
She entered the hospital and five days later she took her last breath. A couple of hours after entering the hospital we found out that she was having some heart issues and I had a gut feeling that if I didn’t get up to Augusta and see her that I would carry so much guilt not being able to say goodbye if she passed. At 8 months pregnant I knew I only had this small window to get up there before it wasn’t safe to travel. Mike stayed home with Lily and I hopped in my car to make the 8+ hour drive (its normally a longer drive but I have a lead foot) to Augusta last Thursday.
Friday I spent all day with my grandmomma. Unfortunately her health took a turn for the worse early Friday morning and by the time I arrived she was struggling. However, I was blessed to have had that day with her. She opened her eyes throughout the day to speak to her loved ones. Her memory had been slipping and I can’t express how happy I was that she recognized me, remembered to ask about Lily and even quized me on prospective baby names for baby #2.
Friday I was able to shower my grandmomma with love and laughter. I helped feed her a few spoonfuls of orange sherbert, rubbed her hand to let her know I was there, and laugh along with our family while she unleashed her famous sassy attitude. Yes while in ICU my grandmomma still had enough of her spunk to blame Obamacare for her dried lips.
We learned Friday that her organs were slowly shutting down and it was only a matter of time before she would meet her maker. I drove home on Saturday to prepare clothes for my mom and dad for the funeral and on Sunday at 7:15 pm the good Lord called her up. On Monday Mike & Lily drove back up with me so I could be with the rest of the family to pay our respects to my fabulous grandmother.
Over the last few days I have done nothing but look back over the memories of my beloved grandmomma. We went to her house to go through her belongings to see if there is anything we wanted to take…but I couldn’t. After looking though a few things I was overcome with emotion as I sat on her piano bench. The same piano bench that I would sit on as a little girl while tapping on the keys. The same bench that still held music sheets and my Aunt Jane’s paper dolls that I would rifle through as a child believing they were treasures. I left her house with only one physical object….a handwritten recipe card from her pantry for homemade pecan pie (my favorite). I left with tears but with a heart full of love from remembering all the good that came from that house and that woman.
My 2014 started off with a huge loss. A loss that can never be physically gained back. Only time will make the grieving easier. The time leading up to the funeral and the long drive home was my period of reflection and planning. My plans for 2014 are simple…to just live.
My grandmother lived a pretty amazing life. With only a high school education she started working for Southern Bell at entry level and after 42 years she retired as a senior engineer. She continued working on her education (even attended MIT) all while she was employed and raising two kids. She never truly retired. She focused on my grandfather’s cancer diagnosis and though her love and devotion he lived nine years longer than the few months that doctors had given him. My grandmomma had a heart of gold and lived her life devoted to God, her family and the community.
She was involved in countless volunteer projects. In the trunk of her car, living room and spare room she has bags and bags full of lap blankets she was about to deliver to the veterans and nursing hospitals. She had plenty of toiletries waiting to be shipped to the men and women serving our country. She even had bags of hand stitched teddy bears and store bought stuffed animals that needed to still be delivered to law enforcement. That way if a police officer or fireman ever entered a home of a scared child they could offer them a stuffed animal to help them through any kind of trauma.
So I want, plan and hope that I can live my 2014 with the same level of love and passion my grandmomma did. I enter 2014 with the reminder that life is such a precious gift. Sure I can make a resolution to lose the baby weight from this pregnancy in X amount of days/months…but who knows what will happen this year that could throw me off a weight loss goal. So no real resolutions for me….I want to just live 2014 to the fullest.
To read more about my amazing grandmomma click HERE.